Weekly Food for Thought - The Power of Interpretation

‘If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this that disturbs you, but your own judgement of it, and it is in your power to wipe out this judgement now.’ ~ Marcus Aurelius

Dear Friends,

How often do you allow one single event, to ruin a series of beautiful events?

This is not a question of the event itself ruining the other events. It is a matter of interpretations. We get caught in them all the time. If we take events like they are, if we abstain from evaluating them or thinking of them in terms of good and bad, if we just think of them as existing, it is clear that events aren’t good or bad. They simply are. However, after we start interpreting them we often evaluate them, which inevitably leads to us judging them.

This means the interpretation of events is an important leverage point for how you respond to those events and how well you handle them.

You have often had the experience while talking with friends, that they have provided you with a new interpretation of events - a new interpretation which either made you sad or glad, which either put a stumbling block in front of your feet or made you more efficient in handling them.

Let me give you an example. I was with a couple of people and one woman was a bit down. A well intended man asked her what the problem was and she went: ‘Relationship!’ He enquired what about the relationship was problematic, and her reply was brief and to the point: ‘No relationship!’ Now, in an effort to be helpful he started to explain about a friend of his who had
become single and during this painful period used it for reflection and came out stronger on the other end. The lady didn't react very well to this story; she was cringing and looked as if she was in pain.

For some reason I had an intuition about what to say and I said: ‘No relationship is good ...’ She looked questioningly at me and I continued: ‘ … It simply means: No one to get rid of, when you find Mr. Right.’ And at this she smiled, her eyes widened, she got plenty of color in her cheeks and sat much taller.

In this case it was just a slight change in the interpretation - according to the first interpretation the state of being single was an invitation to a painful journey of self discovery. (I never understood why it had to be painful!) and according to the other interpretation being single
was just a necessary prerequisite to finding a right partner.

Wit this in mind, may we invite you to start making a very clear distinction between descriptions and interpretations, start noting the effects different interpretations have and start providing your friends and yourself with more fruitful interpretations.

And if you succeed you might end up as wise as Marcus Aurelius, which is not a bad thing. He did pretty well for himself, you know, considering he was just a Roman emperor.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your imperial trainers :-),
Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic - NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)
Thomas Bjorge - NLP Trainer (Classic and New Code)

Copyright © Momentum Strategies 2013

Weekly Food for Thought - People Pleaser or Self Lover? or Why We Do Things that Don't Please us?

Dear Friends,

Imagine a situation in which you went and entertained others, you were a clown, and you neither enjoyed it nor did any of it contribute to your growth. I am sure that you have all been in those kind of situations - I’ve been in them countless times. At one point of my life, this was almost a way of being for me.

These kinds of socializing-by-default events in which we were the favourite character and the main animator have all, as by the rule, ended in discontentment, hollowness, and feeling of guilt - for we have yet again wasted our precious time on conversations and people who had already assigned us to the formed, familiar, and written roles.
If we already know and are aware of all of this, why wouldn’t we ask ourselves the simplest question in the world: Why do we do it?
Why do we put ourselves in situations that are not pleasing for us? Why aren’t we courageous enough to turn down an invitation to socialize, when we know in advance that we would be left empty and drained afterwards?
Each one of us has different answers to this questions, and they are all probably valid and true, but at the core of most of these answers lies our need to be loved, accepted, included, sought after...

All of this is connected with the lack of self-confidence, with insufficient faith in oneself, with the feeling that we are not worthy enough and don’t deserve better. And instead of raising above and making a decision to step out of the vicious cycle, we say “Yes” when we think “No”, showing a greater disrespect to ourselves each time.

What needs to happen so that we could free ourselves from the roles that we’ve imprisoned ourselves in?

To start with, maybe we need to be honest. With ourselves, as well as with others. We need to learn to value ourselves, to respect our time, to heed our needs. What we don't need, is to think that the needs of others are more important - to do so is in essence to risk an affective personality disorder. The disorder of people who have a cyclothymic structure - who are not stable but move between extremes on a cyclothymic mood scale.

The more we take on the second position, the more we move ourselves to the background and value others more than ourselves, the more we will oscillate between the superficial pleasure of others approval and the empty hollowness of not being ourselves!

 This pattern of behaviour you cannot change unless you decide to do so.
It certainly is not easy to do, but it is doable. It is always hard to say what we really think in the beginning, but trust me, that is the only way. No one else can do it for you.

With this in mind, I invite you to come up with at least one role that will focus on strengthening your self-confidence. To find at least one way of interacting with others that will strengthen YOU - and start giving a higher priority to those interactions. Do what you want to do, do what pleases you instead of pleasing others and neglecting yourself.
Give yourself a little bit of love!

Wishing you an inspiring week and sending you oceans of love!

Your entraining trainers,
Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic, NLP trainer and NLP New Code Trainer
Thomas Björge, NLP trainer and NLP New Code Trainer

Centar tišine

"Kakvo olakšanje kada sam se konačno odvojila od svojih misli. Kakva blagoslovena prilika da se spojim sa svojim pravim Ja... "

Dragi prijatelji,

Sretna Nova godina!

Kao što je nekima od vas poznato, odlučila sam da ove praznične sezone probam nešto drugačije i - umesto uobičajenog uživanja na suncu ili u nekom skijalištu, okružena ljudima i neprestanim zezanjem - odlučila sam se za tišinu. Da - tišinu. Plemenitu tišinu. Onu tišinu za kojom sam dugo čeznula.

Za Vipassana (centar tišine) sam prvi put čula pre nekoliko godina. Blizak prijatelj je odlazio da meditira deset dana. U potpunoj tišini! Zvučalo je interesantno. Ipak, nisam tome pridala mnogo značaja jer sam već redovno praktikovala meditaciju koja je za mene, sem u par izuzetaka, bila efekasna; a iskreno - bila sam i ozbiljno skeptična u vezi sa svojom sposobnošću da izdržim toliko dugo u tišini.

Pomisao da provedem dane i dane u meditaciji, ćuteći, sa svojim umom kao jedinim pouzdanim saputnikom, činila me malo anksioznom. I paradoksalno, upravo je ova anksioznost ono što mi je pomoglo da skupim hrabrosti i prijavim se. Želela sam da otkrijem šta je iza te anksioznosti. Bila sam radoznala da saznam šta bih naučila živeći u tišini.

Vipassana je forma meditacije koju je praktikovao Buda da stigne do prosvetljenja. To je odlična tehnika za ljude logičnog uma (mene) jer je osnova tehnike jednostavno iskustvena, tako da potpuno ima smisla... logičkog smisla, naravno. Ako ste u mogućnosti i naklonjeni ste nečemu takvom, toplo vam je preporučujem. Iskustvo je neprocenjivo.

Prvi dan u centru je počeo u 4:30h a završio se u 21:30h, sa 12 sati meditacije dnevno. Većinu vremena smo bili prepušteni sami sebi, pa je bilo veoma korisno držati se stare dobre namere! Shvatila sam sve veoma ozbiljno, jer je moja namera bila da iz svega izadjem bistrog i oštrog uma i vrlo otvorenog srca. Htela sam da se oslobodim svega što nije bilo moje, od svih onih ‘da' kada sam u stvari mislila ‘ne', od svih teških i suptilnih uslovljenosti... ukratko od svega što mi više nije koristilo i što je stajalo na putu mog pravog Ja. Morala sam da rasteretim i totalno ispraznim svoj um. Težak zadatak, ali imala sam svo vreme ovoga sveta bre - u neometanoj samoći - samo Ja i moj um! Čekala me zabava... ili nije?!

Kao što je sa svime u životu, dobra priprema je bila od suštinskog značaja. Dakle bilo je neophodno započeti sa tehnikom meditacije zvanom Anapana, koja se praktikuje za smirenje tela i uma i pripremu za ćutanje. Za početak, našla sam da je ova tehnika vrlo fizički zahtevna i umarajuća i za telo i um. Iako sam godinama praktikovala meditaciju i jogu, a zatim i NLP i sve sjajne tehnike koje nudi, ipak nisam bila pripremljena za ovo.

Prvi deo meditacije ima veze sa upoznavanjem sopstvenih telesnih osećaja i sa budjenjem svesti o prolaznosti. Zbog ove prolaznosti, treba zadržati staloženost uma vezano za sve što se dešava u telu dok meditiramo. Sve prolazi pa nema smisla vezivati se za bilo koju pojavu. Vezivanje otvara vrata osudi!

Weekly Food for Thought - Of Authenticity...

‘We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.’ ― May Sarton

Dear Friends,

Often times we hear people talk about success, achievements and what they want and have in their lives, how competent and amazing they are …

Well, it’s not just about competency and success, it is about who you become along the way and how authentic you are.

Authenticity …

The world we live in, the dynamics of everyday life, lead us to pay more attention to ecology of our actions and achievements and authentic clean behavior. Gone are the days of the ‘80s, ‘90s and ‘00s, where people were trained and encouraged to use hard sell, aggressive and arrogant ways in order to get where they so desperately wanted to get.

The age we live in requires a more aligned, subtly strong, congruent and authentic you. Incongruity is transparent. When we learn techniques that are not in line with our values, with what we stand for, we look and behave out of place. We are not one with what we are ‘trying’ to portray, instead, we come to resemble a knock-off, cheap copy of the oh-so-wanted original.

So, before you sit down and make that decision of what you want, we propose you ask yourself a series of questions that will uncover your true essence and get you to familiarize yourself with yourself. So, the questions are: Who am I and who do I want to become? What do I value? What are my standards? What, for me, is integrity? What do I consider to be an authentic behavior?

Often times, this is not easy, as we are taught to tell fibs to ourselves, to use softeners, to go and look for advice, life lessons from those who have the information and yet lack practical application.

What would you say and how would you behave if you suddenly realized that everything you need is already within you, and that you do not need to go and search for it elsewhere?

All the knowledge, information, resources, practical tools, skills, confidence, unconditional love, peace, serenity, talent, intelligence… all this, and more is deep within you. It is just waiting for permission from you to come out and make itself visible.

If you truly authentically want something, you will and can get it. Everything is within reach to those who look for resources within themselves. Those who copy others’ desires, goals, intentions and paste them onto themselves, will forever be searching in vain, looking and feeling unfulfilled and frustrated.

If you so wish, please take a pen and paper, sit down and think about things that you genuinely like, people you admire, those whose words and actions resonate with you. Get inspired by letting your self stand up, allowing your authentic voice to be heard.

For once, allow yourself to be you, no one else but you!

Let us know what it feels like … We bet it’s fun going on a voyage of discovery of YOU!

Sending you oceans of authentic love,

Your authentic trainers,

Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic Rosati - NLP Trainer
Thomas Bjørge - NLP Trainer

Weekly Food For Thought - Silence Please

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

As some of you know, I decided to do something very different this holiday season, and instead of the usual basking in the sun or enjoying the ski slopes, surrounded with people and a non-stop banter, I opted for silence. Yes – silence. The noble one. The one I craved for for a very long time…

I first heard about Vipassana silent retreat a few years ago. A dear friend was off to meditate. For a week. In total silence! It sounded interesting. I didn’t think much of it though, as I was already doing a regular meditation practice that, with few exceptions, worked for me, and in all honesty, I had serious reservations about my ability to maintain silence for that long.

The thought of spending days and days in meditation, keeping silent, with just my mind as a trusted companion, made me a little anxious. And paradoxically, it was exactly this anxiety that helped me pluck up the courage and sign up. I wanted to explore what was behind that anxiety. I was curious to see what I’d learn by being in silence.

Vipassana is a meditation practice that was used by the Buddha to realize enlightenment. Buddhism is not what the Buddha himself practiced, but a variation of his teachings.

It is an excellent technique for people with a logical mind (me), as the core of the technique is simply experiential, so it totally makes sense…logical sense, that itJ.

If you can, and are so inclined, I warmly recommend it. It is an invaluable experience.

The first day of the retreat began at 4.30 am, and ended at 9.30pm, with 12 hours of meditation practice a day. For most of the time you were on your own, so the good old intention is useful! I took it very seriously, as my intention was to come out of it with a razor sharp clear mind and a very open heart. I wanted to liberate myself from anything that wasn’t mine, from all the yeses when I meant no, from all the heavy and subtle conditioning…in short, from anything that no longer served me and that stood in the way of Me! In order to reach this state, a heavy workload was needed…I had to offload and totally empty my mind. Not an easy task, but hey, I had all the time in the world, on my own, undisturbed, just me and my mind! Fun times ahead…or not?!

Like with everything in life, a good preparation is essential. So to start with a meditation technique called Anapana was called for. It is practiced to calm the body and mind to prepare you for silence.

To begin with I found the meditation technique very physical and tiring on both the body and the mind. Having spent a good number of years practicing meditation and yoga, plus NLP and all the wonderful techniques it offers, I still wasn’t prepared for this. This first part of the meditation is to do with becoming familiar with sensations in your body, and becoming aware of impermanence. Because of impermanence, one has to maintain equanimity of mind to all that is happening in your body as you meditate. Everything passes, and it makes no sense to attach yourself to any manifestation. Attaching opens the door to judging!

I was going though moments of absolute ease and moments of absolute unease, thoughts and feelings were coming and going, creating space for more of the same.

With nothing to distract me from my thoughts, no conversation, no reading, no TV, I became aware of the content of my mind. Filled with useless stuff, and jumping from one thought to the next, constantly being drawn to the past and moving swiftly to the future…Planning, arranging, going, moving, stopping briefly in the present, only to be quickly transported to either past or the future! How boring! How frustrating!

Luckily, my teacher came to the rescue, by proposing that I observe this incessant influx of thought as I would observe the rain outside my window, without being caught in a raindrop. These thoughts are not me. A worthwhile Aha moment ensued - a moment of razor sharp realization and clarity. What a weight off my back to finally detach myself from my thoughts. What a blessed opportunity to connect to my true self. To witness who I truly am. What a moment – to experience the awareness behind thought! Letting the mind do what it does – thinking, without me having to fight or engage in every thought! Witnessing = Bliss.

This is not to say that I am now an enlightened being. I still get caught up inside the individual raindrops. Even while I am meditating. This is of course, for the time being, an inevitable part of the process. But the awareness that all these mindtraps are just raindrops makes it possible to retreat and watch and listen to the rain, without being lost in experience, but aware of it.

Meditation is not about stopping the mind from thinking, it is about experiencing all that is happening within and without. With meditation, one becomes more aware of what one is thinking and how one is thinking.

I learnt a lot from this experience. First and foremost to always be honest with myself, understanding fears, hopes, desires on a very deep level. I learnt that thoughts are an essential part of human experience, and are valuable in many ways; however, when they (thoughts) distort our perception, we need to see beyond the limits they create and discover the subtle awareness of our true self.

Vipassana is probably the hardest thing I have ever done and the most valuable one. The world has become an even better and lighter place than I remember it.

To let go of what we are not is the first step towards allowing that what we are to come forward.

With this in mind, I invite you to spend some time this week, in silence, and to get a glimpse of your true self. Give yourself the gift of experiencing YOU!

Wishing you a light and wonderful week,
Lidija

Copyright© Momentum Strategies 2013