Are you at the top yet?! Or How to climb a mountain!

Dear Friends,

We know that you, being avid supporters and practitioners of NLP, Coaching and all things that relate to personal development, have done at least one thing in your life that went beyond your everyday limits! We can also safely assume that you have even gone beyond the borders of your habits just for fun, right?!  

“If you cannot understand that there's something in man which responds to the challenge of this mountain and goes out to meet it, that the struggle is the struggle of life itself upward and forever upward, then you won't see why we go" ~ George Mallory

To climb or not to climb

Last week we went hiking in the Carpathians and decided to climb the mountain Rtanj. The mountain is probably considered an easy climb among skilled mountaineers. You can walk straight to the top. No extra equipment is really necessary. At the same time it is demanding enough that quite a few of those who set out to reach the top decide to save it for another day...

And this is precisely what got us thinking, and inspired us to write this week’s note. The fact that sometimes it looks easy to get to the top and it may also seem that no special equipment is necessary. Also, the fact that we seem to be inundated with ‘positive’ messages that tell us that everything we need is within us, and we have all resources available to get us to the topJ

This may be the case…however, there are very few real, concrete steps offered as to how to get to these resources, and what is that that we have with us that can get us to the top, to where our dreams await to turn into reality!

The mountain as a metaphor for life

You see, climbing a mountain is akin to climbing the ladder of life...Small steps...Progress...Looking back… Gauging as to how far we’ve gone...Going further...Finding the inner strength to continue...Seeing the top...Feeling excited...Proud...And then, sometimes with some people, that looking back to see how much progress we’ve made, and distance we’ve covered, can be enough to make them take their hiking shoes off, make a cup of tea, safe in the knowledge that the mountain will not move, and they can do it another day:-)!

There are other scenarios, the ones, where they say: Jeez, this is easy, I can do this...They’ve get two thirds up, and they quit...They invest so much energy, effort, resources into those two thirds, that continuing the climb seems so pointless...

Has that ever happened to you? To invest a lot of you into something, get almost to the top, and decide to descend...for whatever reason...If it hasn’t, it will:-)! We learn so much from these situations...That once we pick up the learnings, all we want to do is climb higher:-)

It is better to climb than to quit

I had a similar experience when I first went wall climbing. I was two thirds up, and the internal voice started nagging, cheering me on, reversely: ‘…you know you can do it, start descending, you’ve got a lot of work waiting, this is not a kind of sport you should take up, etc...’ I wanted to quit, and was very near to doing so, yet, the power of a peer group and an awesome team, made sure I stayed put and continue the climb...And boy was I grateful for that! It was one of those breakthrough moments in life, where in a short space of time you learn a lot about yourself, and about how you tackle life and everything it offers.

You have what it takes

We are a sea of resources, we have everything we need to get to the top, any top, no matter how high, what most people lack is resourcefulness! And that is what is lacking when we hear/read about ‘positive’ messages! Resourcefulness is one of the key factors required to get you to the top!

Looking for something that you already have, requires you to know where to look. What is the point of having all the resources if you are not resourceful enough to know where to go and look:-)!

With this in mind, may we invite you to start looking though your rich memory file of all the situations where you were resourceful, where you even surprised yourself, where you reached using your resources without even being aware of what you were doing...Once you find those moments, experience them as if they are happening now, bring them to the front of your mind, and you’ll find that resourcefulness is what led you to the top, and the resources were just your biggest supporters!

Let all those mountain tops you have already climbed in your life be your new starting point. You already know that you have a lot available when you reach deep inside for your inner strength. So … make a decision to make it a habit. And let’s meet at the top.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your climbing-the-ladder-two-steps-at-the-time trainers,

Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach, Life Coach

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach, Life Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

How are you? Yes, You?

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were books written in a very foreign language” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Dear Friends,

How are you? How has your week been? Has anything magnificent happened in it? Has it been the one to remember? Or has it just whizzed by you?! 

No time for reflection

Has it ever happened to you that you spend your day running around, doing errands, being there for everyone, stepping from one role to the next with no time to reflect on the previous one? If it has, rest assured that you are not alone. We live in the world where everything happens so fast, and before we blink it’s over:-).

A world where the natural ability of human beings to take a breather and reflect on their day has somehow been pushed aside and interrupted by a host of daily to do items and dear distractions like social media and TV.

“Great - How are you?”

Culturally the question “How are you?” means very different things. In the USA, generally, there is only one acceptable answer to it - and the answer has nothing to do with how you are or how you feel. In other cultures however, the question is a real question. How are you? It appears that the more economically developed we become, the more the answer to the question is expected to be a non committal “Great - How are you?”

Don’t get us wrong. There is nothing wrong with ritual courtesy. But there is an issue that emerges when it becomes more and more rare that people take the time to ask and answer the question for real - even to themselves!

Quick can be good

So, how does one, in a world that constantly demands more and more of us, adapt and move accordingly, while still staying in a strong First position and takes care of oneself! There are people out there who will judge those that cut corners (or do they really cut them?!), who opt for a quick solution, rather than taking a long winding road, that has been tried and tested, but didn’t give results.

And isn’t the whole point of coaching, attending lectures, seminars, workshops, that of finding a relatively easy, relatively quick route that will not necessarily request from us to spend our entire lives to get the desired results?! We are not talking here about cutting corners, going for a superficial and lacking in quality choice, but the one that has been tried, tested and gives results in a relatively quick time. So with the time we have, saved :-), we can do things that we like, things that interest us and yet at the same time won’t be a wishy-washy-superficial-lacking-in-quality fix.

Taking the time

There is nothing wrong with saving a little time. Yet, there is another kind of wisdom that is also worth exploring. The kind of wisdom that talks about meeting, and interacting with your inner self. The one that acknowledges and greets all the feelings that are much too often brushed aside or swept under the carpet. Because just saying: “Great - How are you?” is not enough to make you into a great person. Something else is required.

Taking the time - your turn

So, with this in mind, may we invite you to do the following exercise: on a daily basis take 5 minutes and just ask yourself the question: “How am I?” then have the patience to listen to the answer you give yourself. And by listen we mean not only to the words, but also to the images and feelings that come up. Don’t be to hasty to reason with what comes up, but be there and meet it and greet it like you would really like someone else to meet you were you to answer the question “how are you?” truthfully.

We wish you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your NLP trainers,

Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

The Door to Your Self

“My self confidence comes from the fact that I have discovered my dimensions. It does not befit me to make myself smaller than I am.” ~ Edit Södergran

Dear Friends,

There is a potential you. A you that is greater than you are at the present point in time. And that potential you is also a more authentic you. Your real you. However, oftentimes we are not fully open to that potential self.

At a recent workshop we delivered, there was, as always a mixed group of people – NLP trainers, coaches, psychotherapists, psychologists, business owners, engineers, students… A very diverse and a very interesting group.  Albeit diverse, they had one thing in common – a passion to take their lives to a higher level, to dig deep and uncover what is the difference that makes the difference.

What happened with the zest?

What happens when you are open to new learnings, discoveries, insights, and how come that zest doesn’t last… It comes in waves, and it goes away, and in between some people close themselves, shut themselves from the world if you like, and go back to the old established well known and familiar patterns…

This was the most pressing question, and the one that no matter where we work and who we work with, this kind of question or a variation of it, pretty much always comes up! In other words, what is it that we do, on our road to self-development and self-discovery that contributes to us shutting ourselves off, close ourselves from ourselves?! And when we do close ourselves from ourselves, who and what do we open ourselves to?

Getting the answer is not enough

This ain’t an easy one to answer, however it is not the answers we are looking for, it is the action that we are interested inJ! Answers sometimes serve the purpose of sidetracking us, lulling us into believing that ‘now we have the answer we are half way there’ kind of thing. Having an answer works for some things, yet when it comes to personal growth, we wind that answers play a very little role, as most people like to cling onto them, without really taking any action. Answers are a sure road to taking us to the world of words and rationalizations.

So why do we stop in our tracks and why do we close ourselves to ourselves when the shadow of a breakthrough appears?! A fear of the unknown?! A fear of not being prepared for that, which awaits us on the other side?! A fear of responsibility?!

A shadow of a breakthrough is not a breakthrough

Remember that a shadow of a breakthrough is not a breakthrough. Just like the map is not the territory. We all talk about great breakthroughs and wanting them. But do we really want them? Let’s face it, very few of us, are prepared to face them, and use the momentum that they bring.

Very often this has to do with self-sabotage, which is unconsciously nurtured, by many. And fed daily! And when you do this, you will inevitably be nurturing and feeding the nagging inner voice. The voice of: today is not the right day, wait until tomorrow. And then you will find it that the voice of self -sabotage needs company, and that’s where the guilt kicks in, and suddenly the veil of illusion slides down and you realize that time is of the essence and that if you continue with the same old shutting yourself from yourself, leaving the party just when it starts to get interesting and fun, you will find yourself with a handful of excuses and a myriad of “I could have …” “I should have …” sentences.

Making a decision will help

So instead of running away from the shadow of a breakthrough, make a decision to stick to your guns no matter what. Work with that breakthrough, welcome it! As shutting yourself from yourself is not befitting of you. You are bigger than that. Find that greatness that you have, and start operating from it more and more.

Because you cannot postpone starting to live your real life. Or actually the truth is worse. You can postpone your real life. Forever. And then the life you live will become your real life. So, if not now, then when?

With this in mind may we invite you to consider all the breakthroughs that could have happened in your life had you just had the guts to let go of the familiar old patterns, and see how you could learn from these insights, so next time you are on the verge of a breakthrough you open your arms and welcome it, rather than running away from it.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your real life trainers,

Lidija & Thomas

© Momentum Strategies 2013

The power of a team

“A single arrow is easily broken, but not ten in a bundle.” – Japanese proverb

Dear Friends,

Have you ever found yourself helped and supported by your friends in your career, dreams, visions? We hope you have, if not perhaps you should upgrade your friends … J

Wow, what a couple of weeks this has been! Hectic days in Greece searching for a location for our upcoming NLP on the beach seminar (www.nlponthebeach.com) in October. Visiting different beaches, looking at different hotels, testing different restaurants – not a holiday; real work – enjoyable, yes. But real work. And finally we found a very good location with crystal blue water just beside the green lush nature, in a five star resort at two star prices for our participantsJ!

And then, immediately following Greece delivering a couple of lectures at the Medical Faculty in Nis, Serbia, during the conference ‘New trends in nephrology’. It is an interesting experience to talk about NLP strategies and how it can help in curing psychosomatic illnesses, to doctors, in an environment where every other presentation is made on powerpoint with graphs and statistics. We are proud to report that our lectures got a great reception and were even more pleased when doctors expressed interest in attending our training seminars.

But what really impressed us during the conference was the psychology of the person who organized the event and who invited us to speak – a noted academic and professor Spira Strahinjic. A living legend. An 88 year old visionary with the energy, ideas and attitude of a 25 year old! What a role model!  He has made, and is still making, a great and lasting impact on medical practice worldwide!

How did he manage to do all he did, was simple, as he puts it – he choose the right team of people, yet before that he had a good internal team! Now that is where the trick is ;-).

You see, some people choose a career, a field of interest and work work work … And occasionally they accomplish something … Some more than others, yet very often you hear how some of them would complain that they do all the work, and that their team sucks … That is largely true, as choosing a team is very close to an art form. It requires a special skill.

In order to make our dreams a reality, having an inner team is very important, as it largely decides on how we choose the external one. When we know what our values are, what our standards are, what our intentions are, for ourselves and within ourselves, then choosing a team and making the right selection is very easy.

Many of us like to be self-sufficient. We like to do things on our own. But consider how much more Rembrandt accomplished by having a team of assistants. Where would Henry Ford be without the right team, or Steve Jobs, or 

Richard Branson …

But often the team is invisible to the external world. Whether it is an institutional team – it is common that people who have made a name for themselves work at the same place as others who have made a name for themselves – or it is a home team; there is an old joke which illustrates this point: Hilary and Bill Clinton were driving on some presidential errand when they stopped to get gas for their vehicle. Hilary went inside the gas station and stayed for a long time, speaking smilingly with the manager, every once in a while tossing her hair back. When she came back to the car president Clinton asked her – who was that? – Oh, that was Mr So-and-so, and old flame of mine… The president thought about it for while, then he said with a smile - So, imagine that Hilary, if you had married him you would had been married to a gas petrol station manager. Hilary however simply answered – No, Bill. If I had married him, I would be married to the President of the United States.

So with this in mind, may we invite you to consider this critical factor that is the key to any success – the team within. How is your inner team? Take some time this week to check in and see what is the state of your value system, are standards constantly met, are your intentions clear, is there a good communication flow between the Conscious and Unconscious? Do all the members of your inner team pull in the same direction? Or do they pull you in different directions? Are they attempting to pull you in the same direction, but do so in an uncoordinated fashion, so that they sabotage each other? 

What would it be like if they were able to cooperate seamlessly? And find a way to spend some time considering the state of your external team? Who do you surround yourself with? Does your external team inspire you? Move you? Motivate you?

If you want to spend some time with a great group of people and explore how to get your inner team in order you are welcome to join us in Greece for our NLP practitioner on the beach (www.nlponthebeach.com) – or if you simply cannot wait until October, join us already this weekend in Belgrade for our Momentum NLP diploma.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your playing-for-the-team trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Razumeti sebe, razumeti druge

„Ne znate kako je, nemate pojma//Kada biste znali uradili biste i vi istu stvar!“ ~ Judas Priest (britanski bend)

Dragi prijatelji,

Da li ste se ikada našli u situaciji da neko donosi nepravedni sud o vama, neko ko nije imao uvid u vašu situaciju i pomislio da nešto radite zato što ste prosto takav tip osobe?

I da li ste ikada bili u situaciji da donosite sud o drugima zbog onoga što su uradili – zaključujući da su to uradili jer su takav tip osobe? Ako ste odgovorili potvrdno na ova pitanja, pripadate kategoriji „normalnih“ :-)! To je ono što većina ljudi radi. I prilično je prirodno.

Kada nešto uradite, vi poklanjate pažnju toj konkretnoj situaciji. To je ono gde dobijate informacije kako da postupite. Niko drugi nema uvid koji vi imate o tim okolnostima, i stoga su skloni da zanemare celu situaciju i da misle o vama kao o „tom tipu osobe“.

A naravno, vi radite isto. Ako je neko drzak prema vama to je sigurno zato što su drski. Ako je neko radostan, znači da je radosna osoba. Je li tako?!

Ako neki glumac igra inteligentan lik, mi ga doživljavamo kao inteligentnog. To može i ne mora da bude slučaj! To da je on inteligentan, naravno :-)!

Bolja opcija bi bila da se radi sasvim suprotno: da razmišljamo o svemu što radimo, kao o nečemu što biramo da radimo. I da razmišljamo o tome šta drugi rade, uzimajući u obzir njihovu situaciju, njihov kontekst.

Uvek imamo izbor! A naši izbori definišu naš karakter i našu sudbinu. Ako mislite da ste proizvod situacije u kojoj ste se našli, zaista bi trebalo da pročitate Sartra malo pažljivije. Egzistencijalizam nije samo tinejdžerska filozofija. To je pravac koji upućuje ka jednostavnoj istini: vi možete da birate. Imali ste izbor i evo vas tu. A ako ste izgubili sposobnost da birate – ako patite od pogrešnog uverenja da okolnosti kontrolišu vaše postupke, onda vam je preko potreban visoko kvalitetan NLP.

Stvar je u sledećem. Zamislite na momenat one koji vas pogrešno procenjuju i koliko bi vas bolje razumeli ako bi proveli samo malo vremena razmatrajući situaciju u kojoj ste.  A ovde leži i caka: koliko biste vi počeli da bolje razumevate druge ljude, njihove situacije i motive, ukoliko biste uzeli njihove okolnosti u obzir.

Imajući ovo u vidu, pozivamo vas da u toku sledeće nedelje razmotrite postupke par ljudi koje sretnete. Poželjno onih ljudi kojima ne biste tako lako rekli sve što mislite. I provedite neko vreme analizirajući okolnosti u kojima funkcionišu. Kladimo se da,  ako ovo budete radili dosledno, samo ovaj deo – provodili neko vreme da  shvatite stvari iz njihove perspektive, da vidite, čujete i osetite ono što i oni u sadašnjem trenutku, to će promeniti vaše razumevanje tih istih ljudi.

Zamislite kako bi bilo kada biste uzeli u obzir njihova prethodna iskustva i način na koji ih doživljavaju. Vaš ceo pogled na svet bi se promenio, i otvorio nove vidike!

Želimo vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo okeane ljubavi,

Vaši razumljivo razumevajući treneri,

Lidija i Thomas

P.S. Koristimo priliku da vas obavestimo da cemo od 14.6 početi sa NLP treninzima, seminarima i radionicama i u Beogradu!!!

Pozivamo vas da pogledate našu Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook grupu i našu Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook stranicu i pridružite nam se sa komentarima, iskustvima, idejama i svim drugim stvarima vezanim za NLP lični razvoj i ekspanziju!!! Mi smo tu za vas!

Lidija Markovic Rosati, NLP Trener, Holistic NLP Trener, Hipnoterapeut, Master Neurostrateg, TimeLine terapeut. Osnivač Holistic NLP centra u Nišu. Živi i radi na relaciji Velika Britanija – Srbija. www.momentum-strategies.com

Thomas Björge – NLP Trener, NLP Coach (Klasični i Novi Kod). Živi i radi na relaciji Svedska, Norveška i Velika Britanija .

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Understanding You, Understanding Others

"You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue
If you did you'd find yourselves doing the same thing too!”
~Judas Priest (British Band)

Dear Friends,

Have you ever found yourself being judged unfairly by others who lacked insight into your situation and thought you did what you did because that's the sort of person you are?

And have you ever found yourself judging someone else because of what they did - and concluding that they did what they did because they are that sort of person? If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions, you belong to the ‘normal’ :-) category! This is what most people do. And it is pretty natural.

When you do something, you are paying attention to that particular situation. That is where you get the information about how to act. No one else has the insight you have about that situation, and hence they tend to disregard it and think of you as this or that sort of person.

And of course you do the same. If someone treats you rudely it surely is because they are rude. If someone is happy, it means they are a happy person. Right?!

If an actor plays an intelligent character, we perceive him as intelligent. That may or may not be the case! Him being intelligent that is:-)!

A more rewarding option would be to do the exact opposite: to think of everything we ourselves do, as something we choose to do.  And to think of what others do, in terms of their situation, their context.

We always have a choice! And the choices we make define our character and our destiny. If you think you are the product of the situations you have found yourself in, you really should read Sartre more carefully. Existentialism isn't just teenage philosophy. It is a finger pointing directly toward the simple fact: you can choose. You had a choice and here you are. And if you have lost your ability to choose - if you suffer under the bad faith that circumstances control your actions, then you are in dire need of some high quality NLP.  

Here is the thing. Imagine for a moment those who misjudge you, how much better would their understanding of you be if they spent just a tiny fraction of time considering the situation you are in. And here is the clinch: how much better will you start to understand other people, their situations and motives when you take their situation into consideration.

With this in mind may we invite you to, during the forthcoming week, consider the actions of one or two people you meet. Preferably people of whom you would not be hard pressed to utter descriptive phrase or two. And spend some time analyzing the situation they are operating from. Our bet is that if you do this consistently, just this part, just spending some time attending to what other people see, hear and feel in the present it will alter your understanding of them.

Imagine what it would be like if you took into consideration their previous experiences and the way they filter them. Your whole worldview would change, and will open up new horizons!  

Wishing you wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your understandably understood trainers,

Lidija & Thomas

Lidija Markovic Rosati– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

„Ne želim da budem u milosti svojih emocija. Želim da ih koristim, da u njima uživam i da nad njima dominiram“ – Oscar Wilde

Dragi prijatelji,

Da li ste se ikada našli u situaciji u kojoj doživljavate emociju koju ste puno puta pre osetili? Naravno da jeste. A ako niste, čestitamo; pretpostavljamo da ste sada prosvetljeni Zen majstor. To je odlično. Molimo vas da nam pošaljete e-mail i podelite svoja iskustva :-)!

Suštinski, većina ljudi ima emocionalnu adresu. Nameštaj u njihovoj emotivnoj kući  se sastoji od istih komada nameštaja i svakodnevno je posećuju. Oni provode svoje živote živeći u malom skupu emocija.

E sada, jedno veoma bitno pitanje koje treba postaviti sebi je: Da li me emocije u kojima regularno provodim vreme služe? Da li mi moj emotivni dom pomaže da dostignem svoje dugoročne planove i snove?

Jer, vaša emotivna adresa nije samo mesto u kome živite ovog momenta. To je i pravac kojim putujete. To je broj autoputa  kojim vozite, pa gde on vodi? Prema istinskom Severu, ili Jugu?

Uopšteno govoreći, većina ljudi misli iste misli iz dana u dan, i ove iste misli rezultiraju istim emocijama, a ove iste emocije rezultiraju istim delima.

Ovo ne mora da bude loša stvar. Ako zaista uživate svirajući gitaru, radite to svaki dan – slušajući sopstveni napredak, vi ćete, u dogledno vreme, postići fini nivo majstorstva na svom instrumentu.

Ali isto tako, to može biti opasna zamka. Možete živeti život koji nije vaš pravi život. Neki ljudi prožive čitav svoj život na ovaj način. Razmišljajući o jednim te istim stvarima danima (a NE postoji uslov da ove misli imaju ikakve veze sa onim što doživljavaju tokom određenog dana!), posećujući par istih emotivnih stanja iz dana u dan, bazirajući svoje odluke i aktivnosti na ovim stanjima... i završavajući sa kreiranjem malo ili nimalo razlike ili avanture u svojim životima.

Sada, verovatno nije bio Albert Ajnštajn koji  je prvi rekao: „Definicija ludila je raditi jednu te istu stvar iznova i očekivati drugačiji rezultat.“ Ali ko god da je ta osoba bila, bila je na tragu nečega. Ako neko bazira sve svoje odluke na veoma ograničenom broju emocija, rezultati će biti skoro isti.

Imajući ovo u vidu, pozivamo vas da započnete nedelju prateći u koja emocionalna stanja  ulazite iz navike. Iz sata u sat postavite sebi pitanje: „Gde sam emotivno, u ovom trenutku?“ Kada odgovorite na ovo pitanje puno puta, možda počnete da prepoznajete svoju emocionalnu adresu. Tada je vreme da se zapitate: „Da li mi ove emocije pomažu da krenem u pravcu u kome želim da idem? Da li mi ova osećanja pomažu da kreiram i živim život kakav želim da imam i živim?“

Ako je vaš odgovor manje nego zadovoljavajući, onda je možda trenutak da se zapitate kojim osećanjima biste voleli da opremite svoj emotivni dom. I, šta biste mogli da učinite da bi ih načinili svojom novom emotivnom adresom?

Zelimo vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo ocean ljubavi,

Vaši treneri i lokalna služba za selidbu,

Thomas i Lidija

Lidija Marković – NLP Trener (Klasični i Novi Kod)

Thomas Björge – NLP Trener, NLP Coach (Klasični i Novi Kod)

P.S. Pozivamo vas da pogledate našu Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook grupu i našu Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook stranicu i pridružite nam se sa komentarima, iskustvima, idejama i svim drugim stvarima vezanim za NLP lični razvoj i ekspanziju!!! Mi smo tu za vas!

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Where Is Your Emotional Address?

“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Dear Friends,

Have you ever found yourself experiencing an emotion, which you have experienced many times before? Of course you have. And if you have not, congratulations; we suppose you are now an enlightened Zen Master. That is good. Please send us an email and share your experiences:-)!

The thing is, most people have an emotional address. The furniture in their emotional house consists of the same pieces of furniture, which they visit daily. They spend their lives living in a small set of emotions.

Now one very relevant question to ask yourself is: do the emotions I regularly spend time in serve me? Is my house of emotions helping me achieve my long-term goals and dreams?

Because your emotional address is not just a place where you live at the moment. It is also the direction in which you are travelling. It is the number of the highway you are driving on, so where is it headed? Towards true North, or South?

Generally speaking most people think the same thoughts again and again, and these same thoughts result in the same emotions, and these same emotions result in the same actions.

This does not have to be a bad thing. If you truly enjoy playing the guitar, do so every day, and while listening for the progress you make, you will, in due time, achieve a fine level of mastery with your instrument.

But it can also be a dangerous trap. You can live a life, which is not your real life. Some people live their entire lives like that. Thinking about the same things again and again during the day (and there is NO requirement that the thoughts have anything to do with what they experience during the particular day!), visiting the same couple of emotional states again and again, basing their decisions and actions in these states … and then ending up with creating little or no difference or adventure in their lives.

Now, it probably wasn’t Albert Einstein who first said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” But whomever it was, was on to something. If someone bases all their decisions and actions on a very limited set of emotions the results are going to be pretty much the same.

With this in mind, may we invite you to start a week where you keep track of which emotional states you enter habitually. Every hour on the hour ask yourself a question: where am I at, emotionally, at this point in time? When you have answered the question a number of times you may start to recognize your emotional address. Then it is time to ask yourself: do these emotions help me move in the direction I want to go? Do these emotions help me create and live the life I want to have and experience?

If your answer is less than satisfactory, then it may be time to ask yourself what emotions you would like to furnish your emotional home with. And what you can do to make them your new emotional address.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love!
Your local movers and trainers

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic Rosati– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Guilty Living vs. Free Living

“I was always fraught with guilt, and it's such a waste of an emotion. It keeps you out of the moment of being where you are.” - Kyra Sedgwick

Dear Friends,

Have you ever felt guilt? What a silly question! Of course you have! We all have, (except the Ted Bundies amongst us!)! It is a natural human response.

But hold on, what does it even mean? To feel guilt … what exactly is that guilt someone feels? It is certainly not a thing, it’s not something you can weigh or inspect under a magnifying glass or listen to. Yet you are fully capable of feeling “it”. You, as a human being, are capable of feeling guilty. It is more like a verb or an adverb than a noun. It is something you do, an activity you engage in. So let us explore this activity a bit further.

Think about it this way. There is a good natural response. Two children, a boy and a girl, are playing. The boy hits the girl. She starts crying. Empathy kicks in. The boy feels the girl’s feelings. Is sorry that he hurt her. Wants to comfort her. Perhaps wants to regain her trust and fellowship. This sort of guilt, born out of empathy and emanating from the person himself, is a good and healthy, a natural and self-correcting response. Motivating people to unwrong the wrongs, to avoid them in the future, to mend relationships. This is good guilt; this is something you want to be able to feel even though it may not always be pleasant. This is something that is extremely valuable for a human being.

But then there is the perverted guilt. Often induced by people who like to control people. People peddling the idea that if you don’t sacrifice yourself for something other than yourself, then you are evil, bad, egoistic. People who cannot deal with their own feelings of guilt, so they make someone else feel them. People who are unhappy with their situation and want to manipulate you into submission and servitude. And they are masters of guilting, they have often spent years and decades perfecting their skills. The right words, the right tone of voice, the right glare of disapproval. And sometimes it doesn’t even help that you realise what they are doing - you still react by producing feelings of guilt.

“Oh, just go out and enjoy yourself, don’t worry about me, laying here, sick and alone with noone to take care of me.”

And this is perhaps one of the most important things to realise about guilt. The popular definition of the word claims that guilt is an emotion you get when you have violated a moral standard you subscribe to. But indeed: the standard may be a standard someone else subscribes to.
To separate your own feelings from those of others is dealt with more in depth in NLP, but if you lack such a background a very good start is to simply ask a question: “are these my feelings for this situation, or did someone else “give” them to me?”

And moreover - “violated a moral standard you subscribe to” - makes it sound as if feelings were a rational process. Sort of: “Oh yes, according to the standards which I subscribe to, today I made three transgressions. Now it is time for me to feel guilt guilt with intensity five for ten minutes” Of course it is not like that.

If you doubt this, just start answering the question truthfully: which standards have you violated recently without feeling a single microgram of guilt. :-)

Now the danger with guilt is that it becomes an unproductive festering feeling poisoning your life and draining your vitality. On a smaller or a larger scale. Then what do you do?
You spend some time catching up with yourself. You sit down and do nothing else, but invite the feelings into your presence. Chances are this is exactly what you have been avoiding doing. Instead of welcoming these messages from your soul you have pushed them away, perhaps tried to intellectualise about them. And this is not so strange. Important messages are not necessarily pleasant, especially if you don’t want to listen to them. But now you do. Now you listen to your feelings.

Perhaps they will urge you to take action, perhaps they will nudge you to ask forgiveness, perhaps they just want to express themselves through you, perhaps they want you to let the feeling of repentance flow. Whatever they want, and whatever they are, welcome them and do your best to understand yourself, to understand your soul, your heart, your conscience. And also: explain to your conscience, the consequences of the guilt. Sometimes parts of our souls get so wrapped up in doing their thing that they loose track of the larger picture.

This is of course not a 3-step process with a guaranteed outcome. No one can predict the outcome of honest dialogue, even with oneself. And a process like redemption is not predictable. But too often we treat ourselves harshly, just brushing ourselves aside. But actually taking the time to listen to your soul’s intentions, to feel the concerns of your heart, and to explain to yourself the consequences of your reactions, is the reestablishment of that deeper and healing connection with yourself.

With this in mind, may we invite you to start a week with just observing and gauging the situations you find yourself in during the week, where you would normally feel guilty, and see how you can re-frame them, and use/see them differently, by doing the following: allow the sensation of guilt to happen, and when it does, acknowledge it and breathe into it, whilst listening to the real message beyond the labelled sensation.

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your walking on the edge trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach
Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Diagnosis Kafka

“Once you label me you negate me.” ~ Sören Kierkegaard

Dear Friends,

Have you ever noticed how people, and maybe even yourself, need to label stuff?

And did you also notice a huge relief when you got the label, diagnosis, opinion, a second opinion even...? That feeling of elation, albeit for a short time, when the label is given... It is a curious thing our need to label stuff, and I couldn’t help but wonder why the need to label? Why do we crave it so much, and what need or needs do we satisfy by labeling stuff, by giving it a diagnosis if you like?!

And isn’t it a great feeling when you chat with someone and you both arrive at the same labeling. A feeling of connection - that common labeling can only happen when you share a worldview.

This need to label, very likely satisfies several needs. A deep bound need to categorize reality in order to effectively handle it. Evolution is about survival. Survival is about predicting and understanding what is going on. Understanding is about labeling.

Once you have labeled a phenomena you know how to deal with it. A label presupposes that you recognize the phenomena, it is the same as some other phenomena.

Yet, there is a huge drawback. Once you have labeled phenomena, you already think you know what you are dealing with. You essentially sacrifice your ability to discover new things about what you have labeled. Perception isn’t so much a matter of taking things in, as it is about projecting things out. The brain projects its expectations onto the world around it, and matches these expectations with the incoming stimuli.

And this is one of the dangers of which labeling is just the symptom. Some people get stuck so far inside the label making factories of the brain that no incoming stimuli ever reach them. At least nothing which would cause them to update their understanding of reality. Political, religious, and ideological fanatics, with readymade interpretations of whatever happens, come to mind.

Even more interesting are labels when applied to people. Because if you apply a label to yourself, you will not only interpret yourself in the terms of the label, but your actions may also be affected by it. And worse: this may even happen if you don’t agree with the label.

This may be the reason why Tao Te Ching starts with drawing up the distinction between what is spoken about and what is said. The things that can be said are not the things themselves. The road that can be described is not the road travelled. Our description of the world is not the world.

The same sentiment was repeated much later by the German philosopher Immanuel Kant. The thing-in-itself is not the same as the thing-for-me. And later still in the tenets of NLP: the map is not the territory.

And the map may even limit one’s exploration of the territory. If Christopher Columbus had believed the world was flat, he would have avoided sailing towards the edge!

So with this in mind, may we invite you to start this week by exploring what certain labels, names, mean to you? How appropriate are they for your personal experience? Are they adding fragrance and richness to your life, or are they being given and accepted by default? Do they help you sail to the edge and beyond, or do they keep you running round in circles? Do they give you extra wind in your wings?

It would be interesting to hear what you experience in your label exploration journey :-)!

And remember, we are here for you!

Wishing you a wonderful week and sending you oceans of love,

Your label-free and free-flowing trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Ears Are Not Just for Earrings

“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.”  William Hazlitt

Dear Friends,

Have you ever spoken with a person and had a feeling that they are not really hearing that what you are saying. They are listening, all right, but are they hearing you? Are they there? Present?

You talk with someone, and they reply to something that is definitely not what you said. Obviously they have not heard what you actually said. They are responding to what they thought you said, or what they thought you were going to say - starting to prepare the response even before you were finished speaking.

Or perhaps they were simply not paying any attention whatsoever; only feigning taking part in a dialogue, while really busy engaging in one way communication; preaching, delivering a sales pitch or a propaganda speech on the topic, or simply talking about themselves, while clumsily attempting to hide it by “paraphrasing” what you didn’t say, and continuing with a “let’s talk a little bit more about me” spiel :-).

This failure of one party to hear what the other is saying obviously happens in a lot of different situations. Ranging from the business meeting, the doctor patient talk, the therapeutic talk, the bedside chat, the talk between friends, the talk between lovers. And everywhere it is detrimental. A lot of people don’t even realise they are doing this. For many, this is a part of default behaviour.

Sometimes what is going on is too much internal dialogue interfering with the conversation. Internal dialogue can sometimes defeat its own purpose. In its attempt to prepare a good answer, it can get so loud in doing so that you don’t hear what is being said on the outside, you just wait for a more or less appropriate pause in the stream of noises which escape the other person’s mouth so that you can interject with whatever your internal dialogue has come up with. If this is what you are doing, you are not engaging in a dialogue ... with anyone but yourself.  

The antidote is manifold. In the business context there are simple information gathering tools that can elevate communication from unspecified unclarity to high quality; these are the sort often taught on the first day in a proper NLP training. But in the realms of the soul to soul conversation it often starts with a deeper attitude shift, with the awakening of the intention to really hear the other party.

There is a nice expression. “A heart with ears”. And that is something we all need once in a while. Someone who really hears what we are saying. Someone who listens with understanding. Without interpreting. Without judging. Just listens and understands, or listens with the deep intent to understand. Anyone can cultivate this skill. It simply boils down to having the intent.

There is an old story about mother Theresa that comes to mind. A journalist asked her what she said to God when she prayed. Her answer: “I don’t speak, I listen.” The journalist asked: “And what does God say, when you listen?” Mother Theresa answered: “He also listens.”

With this in mind, may we invite you to consider the following.  While conversing with people this week, make a decision to really give them a part of the most valuable resource there is: your full attention. To both listen and hear.

From the heart, sending you oceans of love,

Your two listening train-ears

Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Nedeljna Hrana za Razmisljanje: Kopirati i preslikavati ili stvarati i napredovati?

Budite ono što jeste. Svet obožava originale.’ ~ Ingrid Bergman

Dragi prijatelji,

Da li vam se ikada desilo da ste se, iz navike praktikovanja standardizovanog  ponašanja, opredelili da kopirate i preslikate, umesto da kreirate i napredujete?
Skorašnja konsultacija sa klijentom nas je podstakla na razmišljanje o ovom “standardizovanom” ponašanju. Ponašanju gde nismo ohrabreni da stvorimo i izmislimo, već smo pozvani da kopiramo nešto što već postoji. I nismo mogli a da se ne setimo rečenice iz filma “Talentovani gospodin Ripli”, gde jedan od glumaca kaže: “... bolje je da budeš lažan neko, nego stvaran niko!” Ova rečenica je veoma moćna i dirljiva.
Razmislite o tome... Roditi se sa svim potencijalima, svim darovima, i bacati ih niz vodu... Bez da barem probate da date svom predivnom autentičnom biću priliku da se iskaže! Vidite, kopiranje nekog drugog, i uskraćivanje šanse sebi da otkrijete koji su vam talenti, ko ste vi, šta vas pomera - jednako je odbacivanju života!!!

Upozorenje: kopiranje se ne sme pomešati sa plemenitom disciplinom modelovanja, disiplinom iz koje je nastao NLP kakvog danas znamo.

Kada držim NLP seminare često naglašavam važnost iskustva, za razliku od reči. U suštini, ono što radimo na tim seminarima je da kreiramo situacije u kojima ljudi zaista iskuse NLP. A iz ovog iskustva, rađa se sposobnost. U stvari, nalazim da je razlika između reči i iskustva toliko važna da tvrdim da bi učesnici sa nekih od seminara Momentum Strategies Coaching-a bili sposobni da napišu mnogo bolju knjigu na temu ličnog razvoja, NLP, i sl. od prosečnih knjiga koje se nalaze na tržištu – ako bi jedan od naših učesnika pisao takvu knjigu ona bi bila zasnovana na njihovim iskustvima, a ne puko kopiranje.

A postoji izvestan autoritet koji nosi iskustvo. Ako pođete od nečijih reči i pretvorite ih u iskustvo, onda stvarno imate nešto vredno da pružite. To je deo koji se prečesto zaboravlja u današnjim obrazovnim sistemima, gde se nagrađuje sposobnost da se reprodukuje od reči do reči, sa ničim između sem logičkih zaključaka, čime se stvaraju ljudi koji su dobri govornici i koji prolaze kao inteligentni u mnogim krugovima.

Bez sumnje neki autori kopiranih knjiga na bilo koju temu, ali najvažnije na temu ličnog razvoja, smatraju sebe modelarima. Oni ne pozajmljuju tudje ideje, oni praktikuju modelovanje;-). Tu plemenitu disciplinu koja je iznedrila čitavo NLP polje.

Pa... ne baš... razlika je jednostavna i duboka: pre svega, modelovanje je shvatanje osnovne strukture na takav način da možete da kreirate NOVA ponašanja koja pripadaju istoj kategoriji kao i ona koju ste modelovali. I drugo, modelovanje – barem tip modelovanja koji je plemenit i koji je razultirao u stvaranju NLP-a – ide putem koji je nešto dublji od pukih verbalnih opisa, ide putem sposobnosti da se zaista reprodukuju fenomeni koji se modeluju. Bez takve sposobnosti takvi modelari su ništa do prazne priče.

Imajući ovo na umu, pozivamo vas da posvetite sledeću nedelju pronalaženju svih momenata u kojima ste odlučili da stvarate radije nego da kopirate. Zadržite se na njima i obratite pažnju na to kako se osećate. Osnaženi, inspirisani i spremni da stvarate još, kladimo se?! :-) Jer samo kada kreiramo, mi zaista postojimo...

Želimo vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo vam okean ljubavi,

Vaši kreativni treneri,

Lidija & Thomas

P.S. Pozivamo vas da pogledate našu Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook grupu i našu Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook stranicu i pridružite nam se sa komentarima, iskustvima, idejama i svim drugim stvarima vezanim za NLP lični razvoj i ekspanziju!!! Mi smo tu za vas!

Lidija Markovic Rosati, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), Holistic NLP Trener, Hipnoterapeut, Master Neurostrateg, TimeLine terapeut. Osnivač Holistic NLP centra u Nišu. Živi i radi na relaciji Velika Britanija – Srbija. www.momentum-strategies.com 


Thomas Bjorge, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), NLP Coach. Zivi i radi na relaciji Svedske, Norveske i Velike Britanije


© Momentum Strategies 2013

To Copy and Paste or to Create and Thrive?

‘Be yourself. The world worships the original’ ~ Ingrid Bergman

Dear Friends,

Has it ever happened to you that, out of the habit of practicing a ‘by default’ behaviour, opted to copy and paste, rather than create and thrive?

A recent consultation with a client prompted us to think about this ‘by default’ behaviour. Behaviour, where one is not encouraged to create and invent, but rather invited to copy something that already exists. And we couldn’t help but think of a line from the movie ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’, where one of the characters states: ’...it’s better to be a fake somebody, than a real nobody!’ This sentence is very powerful and poignant.

Think about it...Being born, with all the potentials, all the gifts, and throwing them all away...Without insomuch as attempting to give your wonderful authentic self a shot at being you! You see, copying someone, and not giving yourself a chance to explore what your talents are, who you are, what makes you tick, is akin to throwing your life away!!!

Caveat: Copying is not to be confused with the noble discipline of modeling, a discipline out of which NLP we know today is born.

When we deliver seminars in NLP we often underline the importance of experience as opposed to words. Basically what we do during our seminars is to create situations where people actually experience NLP. And from this experience, competency is born. In fact we find the difference between words and experience so important that we claim that participants in one of our seminars would be able to write a much better NLP book than the average NLP book out there - if one of our participants was to write such a book it would be based on their experience, and not just a copy paste job.

And there is a certain authority that comes with personal experience. If you take someone’s words and translate them into experience, then you really have something of value to contribute. This is the part that too often gets lost in today’s educational systems, where what’s rewarded is the ability to produce words form words, with nothing but logical deduction in between. Producing people who are very good at talking in what passes as an intelligent way in many circles.

No doubt some authors of the copy paste books, on any subject, but most importantly the subject of personal development, NLP, consider themselves modelers. Heck - they’re not plagiarizing, they are practicing modeling. That noble discipline which gave birth to the entire field of NLP.

Well ... no ... and the difference is simple and deep: first off modeling is capturing the underlying structure in such a way that you can generate NEW behaviors that that belong to the same category as the thing you were modeling. And secondly modeling - at least the sort of modeling which is noble and resulted in NLP takes the route via something deeper than mere verbal descriptions, it takes the route via the ability to actually replicate the phenomena that one models. Without that ability such models are nothing but talk.

With this in mind, may we invite you, to dedicate next week, to digging out all those moments where you chose to create, rather than copy. Stay with them for a while, and notice how you feel. Empowered, inspired and ready for creating some more, we bet?! :-) As it is only when we create, that we really exist...

Your creative trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013