Ears Are Not Just for Earrings

“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.”  William Hazlitt

Dear Friends,

Have you ever spoken with a person and had a feeling that they are not really hearing that what you are saying. They are listening, all right, but are they hearing you? Are they there? Present?

You talk with someone, and they reply to something that is definitely not what you said. Obviously they have not heard what you actually said. They are responding to what they thought you said, or what they thought you were going to say - starting to prepare the response even before you were finished speaking.

Or perhaps they were simply not paying any attention whatsoever; only feigning taking part in a dialogue, while really busy engaging in one way communication; preaching, delivering a sales pitch or a propaganda speech on the topic, or simply talking about themselves, while clumsily attempting to hide it by “paraphrasing” what you didn’t say, and continuing with a “let’s talk a little bit more about me” spiel :-).

This failure of one party to hear what the other is saying obviously happens in a lot of different situations. Ranging from the business meeting, the doctor patient talk, the therapeutic talk, the bedside chat, the talk between friends, the talk between lovers. And everywhere it is detrimental. A lot of people don’t even realise they are doing this. For many, this is a part of default behaviour.

Sometimes what is going on is too much internal dialogue interfering with the conversation. Internal dialogue can sometimes defeat its own purpose. In its attempt to prepare a good answer, it can get so loud in doing so that you don’t hear what is being said on the outside, you just wait for a more or less appropriate pause in the stream of noises which escape the other person’s mouth so that you can interject with whatever your internal dialogue has come up with. If this is what you are doing, you are not engaging in a dialogue ... with anyone but yourself.  

The antidote is manifold. In the business context there are simple information gathering tools that can elevate communication from unspecified unclarity to high quality; these are the sort often taught on the first day in a proper NLP training. But in the realms of the soul to soul conversation it often starts with a deeper attitude shift, with the awakening of the intention to really hear the other party.

There is a nice expression. “A heart with ears”. And that is something we all need once in a while. Someone who really hears what we are saying. Someone who listens with understanding. Without interpreting. Without judging. Just listens and understands, or listens with the deep intent to understand. Anyone can cultivate this skill. It simply boils down to having the intent.

There is an old story about mother Theresa that comes to mind. A journalist asked her what she said to God when she prayed. Her answer: “I don’t speak, I listen.” The journalist asked: “And what does God say, when you listen?” Mother Theresa answered: “He also listens.”

With this in mind, may we invite you to consider the following.  While conversing with people this week, make a decision to really give them a part of the most valuable resource there is: your full attention. To both listen and hear.

From the heart, sending you oceans of love,

Your two listening train-ears

Lidija and Thomas

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Nedeljna Hrana za Razmisljanje: Kopirati i preslikavati ili stvarati i napredovati?

Budite ono što jeste. Svet obožava originale.’ ~ Ingrid Bergman

Dragi prijatelji,

Da li vam se ikada desilo da ste se, iz navike praktikovanja standardizovanog  ponašanja, opredelili da kopirate i preslikate, umesto da kreirate i napredujete?
Skorašnja konsultacija sa klijentom nas je podstakla na razmišljanje o ovom “standardizovanom” ponašanju. Ponašanju gde nismo ohrabreni da stvorimo i izmislimo, već smo pozvani da kopiramo nešto što već postoji. I nismo mogli a da se ne setimo rečenice iz filma “Talentovani gospodin Ripli”, gde jedan od glumaca kaže: “... bolje je da budeš lažan neko, nego stvaran niko!” Ova rečenica je veoma moćna i dirljiva.
Razmislite o tome... Roditi se sa svim potencijalima, svim darovima, i bacati ih niz vodu... Bez da barem probate da date svom predivnom autentičnom biću priliku da se iskaže! Vidite, kopiranje nekog drugog, i uskraćivanje šanse sebi da otkrijete koji su vam talenti, ko ste vi, šta vas pomera - jednako je odbacivanju života!!!

Upozorenje: kopiranje se ne sme pomešati sa plemenitom disciplinom modelovanja, disiplinom iz koje je nastao NLP kakvog danas znamo.

Kada držim NLP seminare često naglašavam važnost iskustva, za razliku od reči. U suštini, ono što radimo na tim seminarima je da kreiramo situacije u kojima ljudi zaista iskuse NLP. A iz ovog iskustva, rađa se sposobnost. U stvari, nalazim da je razlika između reči i iskustva toliko važna da tvrdim da bi učesnici sa nekih od seminara Momentum Strategies Coaching-a bili sposobni da napišu mnogo bolju knjigu na temu ličnog razvoja, NLP, i sl. od prosečnih knjiga koje se nalaze na tržištu – ako bi jedan od naših učesnika pisao takvu knjigu ona bi bila zasnovana na njihovim iskustvima, a ne puko kopiranje.

A postoji izvestan autoritet koji nosi iskustvo. Ako pođete od nečijih reči i pretvorite ih u iskustvo, onda stvarno imate nešto vredno da pružite. To je deo koji se prečesto zaboravlja u današnjim obrazovnim sistemima, gde se nagrađuje sposobnost da se reprodukuje od reči do reči, sa ničim između sem logičkih zaključaka, čime se stvaraju ljudi koji su dobri govornici i koji prolaze kao inteligentni u mnogim krugovima.

Bez sumnje neki autori kopiranih knjiga na bilo koju temu, ali najvažnije na temu ličnog razvoja, smatraju sebe modelarima. Oni ne pozajmljuju tudje ideje, oni praktikuju modelovanje;-). Tu plemenitu disciplinu koja je iznedrila čitavo NLP polje.

Pa... ne baš... razlika je jednostavna i duboka: pre svega, modelovanje je shvatanje osnovne strukture na takav način da možete da kreirate NOVA ponašanja koja pripadaju istoj kategoriji kao i ona koju ste modelovali. I drugo, modelovanje – barem tip modelovanja koji je plemenit i koji je razultirao u stvaranju NLP-a – ide putem koji je nešto dublji od pukih verbalnih opisa, ide putem sposobnosti da se zaista reprodukuju fenomeni koji se modeluju. Bez takve sposobnosti takvi modelari su ništa do prazne priče.

Imajući ovo na umu, pozivamo vas da posvetite sledeću nedelju pronalaženju svih momenata u kojima ste odlučili da stvarate radije nego da kopirate. Zadržite se na njima i obratite pažnju na to kako se osećate. Osnaženi, inspirisani i spremni da stvarate još, kladimo se?! :-) Jer samo kada kreiramo, mi zaista postojimo...

Želimo vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo vam okean ljubavi,

Vaši kreativni treneri,

Lidija & Thomas

P.S. Pozivamo vas da pogledate našu Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook grupu i našu Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook stranicu i pridružite nam se sa komentarima, iskustvima, idejama i svim drugim stvarima vezanim za NLP lični razvoj i ekspanziju!!! Mi smo tu za vas!

Lidija Markovic Rosati, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), Holistic NLP Trener, Hipnoterapeut, Master Neurostrateg, TimeLine terapeut. Osnivač Holistic NLP centra u Nišu. Živi i radi na relaciji Velika Britanija – Srbija. www.momentum-strategies.com 


Thomas Bjorge, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), NLP Coach. Zivi i radi na relaciji Svedske, Norveske i Velike Britanije


© Momentum Strategies 2013

To Copy and Paste or to Create and Thrive?

‘Be yourself. The world worships the original’ ~ Ingrid Bergman

Dear Friends,

Has it ever happened to you that, out of the habit of practicing a ‘by default’ behaviour, opted to copy and paste, rather than create and thrive?

A recent consultation with a client prompted us to think about this ‘by default’ behaviour. Behaviour, where one is not encouraged to create and invent, but rather invited to copy something that already exists. And we couldn’t help but think of a line from the movie ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’, where one of the characters states: ’...it’s better to be a fake somebody, than a real nobody!’ This sentence is very powerful and poignant.

Think about it...Being born, with all the potentials, all the gifts, and throwing them all away...Without insomuch as attempting to give your wonderful authentic self a shot at being you! You see, copying someone, and not giving yourself a chance to explore what your talents are, who you are, what makes you tick, is akin to throwing your life away!!!

Caveat: Copying is not to be confused with the noble discipline of modeling, a discipline out of which NLP we know today is born.

When we deliver seminars in NLP we often underline the importance of experience as opposed to words. Basically what we do during our seminars is to create situations where people actually experience NLP. And from this experience, competency is born. In fact we find the difference between words and experience so important that we claim that participants in one of our seminars would be able to write a much better NLP book than the average NLP book out there - if one of our participants was to write such a book it would be based on their experience, and not just a copy paste job.

And there is a certain authority that comes with personal experience. If you take someone’s words and translate them into experience, then you really have something of value to contribute. This is the part that too often gets lost in today’s educational systems, where what’s rewarded is the ability to produce words form words, with nothing but logical deduction in between. Producing people who are very good at talking in what passes as an intelligent way in many circles.

No doubt some authors of the copy paste books, on any subject, but most importantly the subject of personal development, NLP, consider themselves modelers. Heck - they’re not plagiarizing, they are practicing modeling. That noble discipline which gave birth to the entire field of NLP.

Well ... no ... and the difference is simple and deep: first off modeling is capturing the underlying structure in such a way that you can generate NEW behaviors that that belong to the same category as the thing you were modeling. And secondly modeling - at least the sort of modeling which is noble and resulted in NLP takes the route via something deeper than mere verbal descriptions, it takes the route via the ability to actually replicate the phenomena that one models. Without that ability such models are nothing but talk.

With this in mind, may we invite you, to dedicate next week, to digging out all those moments where you chose to create, rather than copy. Stay with them for a while, and notice how you feel. Empowered, inspired and ready for creating some more, we bet?! :-) As it is only when we create, that we really exist...

Your creative trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)

Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code), NLP Coach

© Momentum Strategies 2013

Moć Svrhe

“Jedna strastvena osoba je bolja od četrdeset malo zainteresovanih ljudi” - E.M. Forster

Dragi prijatelji,

Da li vam se ikada desilo da u jednoj nedelji ostavite snažan utisak na više ljudi, jednostavno radeći ono što volite i što vam je strast?!

Nama jeste! I kakvu smo nedelju imali! Toliko toga se desilo... I sa ponosom možemo reći da je to bila baš takva nedelja... Bila je to nedelja NLP događaja i razgovora u Nišu, organizovana od strane progresivnog i vizionarskog tima Momentum Strategies Coaching-a, a krunisana najdivnijim Momentum NLP Diploma vikendom!

Nešto vrlo specijalno se desi kada učestvujete u visoko kvalitetnom NLP kursu. Mi se oboje vrlo dobro sećamo naših prvih NLP treninga od pre više godina... Nismo štedeli novac i išli smo na, u to vreme, najbolje NLP treninge na svetu - treninge Dr. John-a Grinder-a i treninge drugog ko-osnivača NLP-a, Richard-a Bandler-a.

Od tada smo nekako svoje živote podelili na dva perioda: period pre nego što smo bili izloženi visoko kompetentnim NLP treninzima, i period posle.

A onda, više godina kasnije, kada smo počeli da držimo naše sopstvene treninge, jedna od stvari koja nam je pružila najviše zadovoljstva je bila upravo ova - da su naši studenti iskusili ove obuke kao revolucionarne prekretnice u svojim životima, koje su rezultirale dubokim promenama u doživljavanju sebe, života i drugih ljudi. S tim u vezi, ovog vikenda kada smo održali Mometum NLP Diploma kurs u Srbiji, jedan od učesnika je rekao: “Ovo je otvorilo jednu kompletno novu dimenenziju u mom životu”... Ovaj komentar smo shvatili kao kompliment, jer obično je potreban kurs praktičara, a u nekim slučajevima kurs master praktičara, da bi se naučile osnovne veštine NLP-a koje dovode do pomaka ovakvih razmera.

Pitanje koje bismo ovde želeli da razmotrimo je kakav je to pomak, odnosno promena koja se desi na NLP treningu visokog kvaliteta?

Ponekad je deo toga jednostavno otvaranje sebe za reprezentacione sisteme koji vam prethodno nisu bili dostupni. Da biste razumeli veličinu takvog pomaka, jednostavno zamislite život bez svesnog pristupa jednom od tih sistema!

Ali postoji tu i još nešto. Dobijate niz iskustava koja vam omogućavaju da osetite osnovnu strukturu iskustava. Dobijate skup dubokih razumevanja zašto se ljudi ponašaju onako kako se ponašaju. I dobijate komplet veština da utičete na sebe i druge da biste stvorili više opcija u životu.

Vidite, nije uvek u pitanju novac - nas oboje imamo alternativne, efikasnije načine da dođemo do komotnog načina života i naše konkurentne cene to pokazuju! Radi se o tome da mi osećamo strast za to što radimo, i volimo da doprinosimo bitnim promenama. Bilo da se takva promena desi tokom coaching-a pojedinca (pomažući mu da nađe snagu da prevaziđe probleme na poslu, da nađe fokus da poboljša umetnički preformans, sposobnost da poboljša atletski preformans, otvorenost i samouverenost da priđe suprotnom polu), bilo da se promena desi tokom treninga gde ljudi uče komplet veština koje mogu da koriste odmah sledećeg dana da samostalno preuzmu kontrolu nad svojim životima, da postignu nešto što je ranije bilo nezamislivo, ili da pomognu drugima da naprave značajne promene i prevaziđu naizgled teške izazove vezane za posao, odnose ili druge bitne životne oblasti.

Imajući ovo u vidu, pozivamo vas da razmislite o momentima kada ste bili inspirisani i radili nešto sa strašću - iz čiste želje da uradite nešto značajno! Zadržite taj osećaj neko vreme i obratite pažnju šta će se desiti... Kada jednom iskusite moć širenja svoje strasti, život više nikada neće biti isti!

Želimo vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo vam okeane ljubavi.

Vaši strastveni treneri,
Lidija i Thomas

P.S. Pozivamo vas da pogledate našu Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook grupu i našu Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook stranicu i pridružite nam se sa komentarima, iskustvima, idejama i svim drugim stvarima vezanim za NLP lični razvoj i ekspanziju!!! Mi smo tu za vas!

Lidija Markovic Rosati, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), Holistic NLP Trener, Hipnoterapeut, Master Neurostrateg, TimeLine terapeut. Osnivac Holistic NLP centra u Nisu. Zivi i radi na relaciji Velika Britanija – Srbija. www.momentum-strategies.com

Thomas Björge, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), NLP Coach. Zivi i radi na relaciji Svedske, Norveske i Velike Britanije

Weekly Food for Thought - The Power of Why

“One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested” ~ E. M. Forster

Dear Friends,

Have you ever experienced a week in which you touched so many people simply by doing what you love and what you are passionate about?!

We have! And what a week we had! So much has happened...We can proudly say that ‘that was the week that was...It was a week of NLP events & talks in Nis, Serbia organized by a progressive and visionary team at the Momentum Strategies Coaching, and crowned with the most amazing Momentum NLP Diploma weekend!

There is something very special that happens when you participate in a high quality NLP course. We both remember very well our first NLP trainings many years ago... We spared no expense, and went to, at what at the time was, the best NLP training in the world - Dr. John Grinder’s in California and that of the other co-founder, Richard Bandler’s NLP training.

Since then we have sort of divided our lives into two periods: before we were exposed to highly competent NLP – training, and after.

And then, quite a few years later, when we started delivering our own trainings, one of the most gratifying feedback has been exactly this, that our own students have found the trainings to represent revolutionary milestones in their lives, resulting in deep changes of how they perceive themselves, life and other people. On that note, this weekend we delivered a Momentum NLP Diploma course in Serbia, and one of our participants put it this way: “It has opened a whole new dimension in life”... This comment, we take as a compliment, since it usually takes a practitioner course and in some cases a master practitioner course, where you learn the ground skills in NLP to get to this sort of shift.

The question we would like to explore here is what is this shift that comes with a high quality NLP training?

Sometimes a part of it is as simple as opening yourself up to a representational system which previously was not accessible to you. To understand the magnitude of such a shift, just imagine life without conscious access to one of the systems!

But there is also something else. To have a sequence of experiences which enable you to sense the underlying structure of experience. To gain a set of deep understandings as to why people act the way they do. And to acquire a set of tools to influence yourself and others to get more choice in your life.

You see, it is not always about the money - both of us have other alternative and more efficient ways of getting an affluent lifestyle that we have, and our competitive prices show that! It is more about that we are passionate about what we do, and love to make a difference that matters. Whether this difference appears in the coaching of an individual, helping that individual to find the strength to overcome career challenges, the focus to enhance artistic performance, the ability to improve athletic performance, the openness and confidence to connect with a member of the opposite sex - or whether it appears during trainings where people learn a set of skills that they can use from day one to self sufficiently take charge of their own lives, to achieve what was previously thought impossible, or to assist others in making important changes and overcoming seemingly difficult challenges whether these are in the realms of careers, relationships or other important life areas.

With this in mind, may we invite you to think about all those moments where you were inspired and did something out of passion, out of pure desire to make a difference! Stay with that sensation for a while and notice what happens...Life is never the same, once you experience the power of sharing your passion!

Wishing you a wonderful week, and sending you oceans of love,

Your passionate trainers,

Thomas and Lidija

Lidija Markovic– NLP Trainer (Classic & New Code)
Thomas Björge– NLP Trainer, NLP Coach(Classic & New Code)

© Momentum Strategies 2013

P.S. Feel free to check our Momentum NLP Serbia Facebook Group and our Momentum Strategies Coaching Facebook Page and join us with comments, experiences, ideas and all things relating to NLP personal growth and expansion!!! We are here for you!

Nedeljna hrana za razmisljanje - Da li biste radije pricali o necemu, ili ga doziveli

Da li biste radije pričali o nečemu ili ga doživeli?

„Nikada ništa ne postaje stvarno, dok ga ne iskusite“ – John Keats

Dragi prijatelji,

Uh, kakva nedelja! Imam toliko toga da podelim sa vama! I čoveče, mnogo mi je drago da ovog vikenda, imam NLP Diploma Trening,  (odmah nakon najnovijeg seminara Dr. Grinder-a ‘Ritam i NLP’ u kom sam upravo učestvovala) – i radujem se sto cu imati priliku da podelim neke od novih stvari sa vama!

Imala sam čast da provedem neko vreme sa moćnim timom: John Grinder i Carmen Bostic St. Clair.

Ipak, pre nego što počnem, ja bih da vas nešto pitam.

Jeste li ikada imali čast da provedete nedelju dana u prisustvu  čoveka koji je lider u polju koje je sam osnovao, ili bio ko-osnivač?

Ako jeste, verovatno znate o čemu pričamo, a ako niste, ovako stoje stvari...
Ponekada se na radionicama ovog tipa učesnici odluče da diskutuju o vežbama i onome što se dešavalo na sceni, radije nego da učestvuju u njima. Ovo je retko kad najbolja strategija za učenje i promene. A naročito kada je u pitanju iskustveno polje kao NLP.

Tokom ovonedeljnog dogadjaja, bilo je veliko zadovoljstvo videti da su ljudi birali iskustveni deo. Radili su vežbe i iskusili rezultate. A sa iskustvom dolazi ona vrsta razumevanja koju je vredno imati. Što u suštini predstavlja srž NLP-a.

Na youtube.com možete naći klasični eksperimet Gazzainga. Subjekat je čovek čiji je mozak podeljen na dva dela. Reč „zvono“ je pokazana njegovoj desnoj hemisferi. Reč „muzika“ je pokazana njegovoj levoj hemisferi. Kada je upitan da izabere jednu od četiri slike sa različitim instrumentima i zvonom, on je izabrao zvono. Kada ga pitaju zašto je izabrao zvono, njegova leva hemisfera nalazi totalno nebitno objašnjenje. Objašnjenje u koje, pak, snažno veruje.

Zastrašujuća stvar  je da on zvuči skoro kao svako od nas kada objašnjava zašto je uradio/la neku stvar ,a ne nešto drugo. To je priroda leve hemisfere – da pruži objašnjenja. Nekada ova objašnjenja imaju veze sa realnošću, ali i ako nemaju, to nije mnogo bitno levoj hemisferi. Ona će biti ubedjena svojim sopstvenim objašnjenjima bilo da su ispravna ili ne.

Često je pričanje i čavrljanje upravo ovakvo – pruža poredjenja ili objašnjenja zasnovana na shvatanjima iz prošlosti, bez obzira da li su ova shvatanja ispravna ili relevantna. U kontekstu NLP seminara, ovakve stvari često čine da se fantastične prilike za otkrivanje i promenu  propuste, i da postanu beskorisne racionalizacije i neinformisano brbljanje: NLP će, ukoliko je predstavljen od strane sposobnih trenera, neizbežno izvući na površinu ono što postoji izvan granica već shvaćenog.

Imajući ovo na umu, volela bih da vas pozovem da se odlučite za iskustvo, za doživljaj nečega, radije nego da o tome samo mislite ili pričate.

Evo vežbe koja vam može pomoći da krenete u tom pravcu.

U toku dana potrudite se da se upustite u bogata čulna iskustva. Kao što je na primer tuširanje ili hodanje po suvom lišću... Dok se tuširate, opišite čulno-specifičnim rečnikom svoj doživljaj. Bez evaluacije, bez interpretacije. Samo čisto iskustvo!

Bez reči kao što su „lepo“, „senzualno“, „pročišćujuće“. Nego malo više kao: Vlažnost hiljade kapljica vode koje se raspršuju u dodiru s kožom, ili nešto slično tome... Isto važi i za hodanje po opalom lišću...
Uživajte u iskustvu i ostavite priču za kasnije ;-)!

Kao i uvek, želim vam divnu nedelju i šaljemo okeane ljubavi,

Vaši pričljivi i puni iskustva, trener,
Lidija

P.S. Sledećeg vikenda, od 5-7og Aprila, nudim vam veoma jedinstvenu priliku. Prezentovaću Momentum NLP Diploma. Dva i po dana učenja i iskustava sa kojima ćete moći da transformišete svoj život. Dobrodošli u moj svet!

© Momentum Strategies 2013
Lidija Markovic Rosati, NLP Trener (Certified by Dr. John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St. Clair and Michael Carroll), Holistic NLP Trener, Hipnoterapeut, Master Neurostrateg, TimeLine terapeut. Osnivac Holistic NLP centra u Nisu. Zivi i radi na relaciji Velika Britanija – Srbija. www.momentum-strategies.com